Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
