She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
