there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
