maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
