I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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