It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
