you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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