I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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