I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
