i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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