I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
