I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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