butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
