i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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