Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
