At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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