adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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