I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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