I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
