So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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