it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
