I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
