I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
