Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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