I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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