I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Damn victory sex feels great
as a side note pls kill me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
