I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
