just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
