The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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