Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
