but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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