Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
