Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
