I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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