so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
