TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
