i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I deserve this hangover.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
