Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
