i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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