im six kinds of drunk right now
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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