Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
