The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
