dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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