Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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