Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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