It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You ruined the universe
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
