Someone shit on the floor
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
