Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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