You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
