I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
