i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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